Behavior




Should I stay or leave my boyfriend?

Should I stay or leave my boyfriend?

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 7 months now and he has been an awesome boyfriend. He has treated me better than any other guys I have dated. He calls me up every night to talk, he’s very kind and generous, and he takes care of me. He’s amazing even though we do have our arguments here and there.
So my boyfriend is 26 and has a job that doesn’t pay that well. He stays at a place with his friends, who share the rent. I think he has been looking for other jobs recently and I have seen other 26 year old guys that have their own place. I’m not trying to be shallow but I wish he had his own place and a better job.

I’m a student myself majoring in business and finance. I just quit my job last year due to personal issues so now I am also looking for a new job. I am looking to get a job at a company that pays well. My family is highly educated and I’m afraid my family may not like him because of his living style and job.
Am I being shallow? Should I stay or leave?

 

Hello Miss. StayOrLeave.

After reading your email, I have to say I think you have some valid and invalid points.

There is nothing wrong with wanting a man who is successful. The issue comes up when you feel entitled to a guy that has to be at a certain level or status. Personally, if you are not happy with his life style, then the easy answer would be to leave and move on. Since it’s only been 7 months it won’t be as bad as if it was a couple of years and being very committed.

For this issue there are going to be many factors to look at right now.

1) Are you going to be able to find someone else that does meet your “standards/requirements”.

2) Are you willing to wait to see if things with his lifestyle improve.

3) Do you care more about what your family thinks instead of what you personally think and feel?

Just remember, just because he isn’t wealthy, or have his own place doesn’t mean is isn’t worth it. I have seen other women leave a guy like you in a similar situation. And, the guy they end up with who did have money and his own place ended up not being so perfect. The guy had a very bad personality, yet he was still able to provide her a place and money. But, she started to hate who he was and regretted leaving the who had nothing. And, ironically, a few years that same guy that struggled had a better home and job eventually.

So sometimes we have everything we want right in front of us. But, we fail to see the bigger picture as we become so obsessed with this other image in our minds. And, by the time you realize it…. it’s way to late to patch things up or fix the mistake you made.

As for family, I don’t know if that should matter. I have seen family members of friends who did not entirely like the person their son/daughter wanted to marry. But, they still respected their child’s wishes and made it work. If you are more worried about what your family will think or the status of your family versus his family. Then, I think you might not be ready for an actual real relationship at all. And, maybe you should leave him and stay single for a bit to figure out what you really want and what it means to you.

Does all of this make you look shallow? I suppose to some extent it might or may seem that way. There is nothing wrong with wanting want you really desire. But, sometimes people get to picky and forget that you don’t always get what you want in life. Sometimes you gotta be happy with what you have and get. There is someone else who is single out there, who is dying to have your life and boyfriend. Maybe this someone out there deserved your boyfriend more than you do.

In the end, the best feedback I can give you is to figure out what you want and if you’re willing to wait for it. Have a talk with him and see what he says, and if he doesn’t agree. Then, maybe it’s time for you to leave and move on, and also give him a chance to find someone that will love him for who and how is life is like right now.

All the best!

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