Relationship Advice

How do I find a guy that will actually like me and not use me?

So I found a woman who asked me this question recently.

How do I find a guy that will actually like me and not use me?

My answer to it was actually quite simple. But some background information on this woman, she is 20 years old and felt like guys just used her for sex.
In her case she is a “bigger” girl as she calls herself that often. So in some sense she is insecure about herself and not very confident.

Well ladies PLAYERS love these types of women… why? Because they are VERY easy to get and use and abuse. And the player that is dating her now knows that he can have her anytime he wants.

So my advice was fairly simple.

You want a guy to WANT you for YOU?


#1 don’t sleep with guys quickly, this will eliminate most players right away. Sleep with a guy after a few months maybe like 4. If a guy can wait for you that long, then you know he LIKES you. If he wants sex, then he won’t wait that long and will go else where. Most guys will try to sleep with her because it creates an emotional connection. And, let’s face it women are more emotional than us men. We don’t get as emotional very easily and are more logical. A guy that wants a girl for more than sex will be willing to wait for it, and will concentrate on OTHER aspects of the girl, such as hobbies and activities. He may ask her to try canoeing, hiking or some other activity he likes or knows the girl likes. Or heck, it might be something totally new to both of you, but the fact is he is SHOWING he wants to spend time with you and learn more about you.

#2 Stop worrying about it, the right guy will come along at some point. Patience is the key… Just tell yourself by being patient things will be better. I mean the saying goes the longer you wait for something, the greater it is in the end when you get it. I found everytime I went out looking for a girl it always went horribly wrong. But when I was out and about and would run into someone new. It meant more and it creates more NATURAL connections and discussions. You don’t want to be out there forcing things to happen. You want to get out and about on with your life and just run into someone and let it progress naturally. So stop worrying and carry on with your hobbies, career and other aspects of your life.

#3 I don’t know where you meet guys, but I think you need to look at different places. Make a list of the type of qualities you want in a guy, then you’ll know where to hang to find that type of guy you’re looking for. I mean if you’re into reserved guys, then there is a MUCH lower chance you will find that guy in a club where it’s a very high energy area. That doesn’t mean reserved guys don’t go clubbing, but the chances are lower of meeting up there with this type of guy. He’s the type you find in a library, at a work conference or at a local coffee shop. I find tons of women who will hit the club looking for a shy guy, and they exit out disapointed or with a guy that isn’t their type at all. So really look at the environment you spend time at and see if it’s the right place to meet your type of guy.

#4 stop being all down, no guy likes a girl who is an emotional wreck or negative. We like girls that are positive and love who they are no matter how they are! I rather be with a girl that is postive and cares about herself. Sure she can be insecure at times, I mean everyone becomes insecure here and there. But that’s where you want a guy who is supportive when you do feel insecure, and one that doesn’t take advantage of you for those moments.

So I hope the advice helps and that you re-think everything through once more.

All the best!