Divorced Woman with Kids Dating Again

I am a divorced woman and I got to know this guy.  We had great connection and were so alike in many ways.  One day he started to pull back and after keeping me confused for many months, he explained that while we are so alike, I have kids and he can’t cope with kids and he had told me from the start that he never wanted kids. 

I do remember he said that but he also knew about my kids from the start, so I thought he was ok although he never wanted kids.  He also told me we never got that far in relationship to discuss kids but that is unfair to me as he did think about it and he decided. 

At the end, he asked if we can try be friends without any expectations of a relationship.  Shall I be friends?  Will he change his mind?  At the time, he was still telling me how wonderful I was and he liked me.


Hi Michelle,

Thanks for sending this question over.

Honestly, if you told him, you had kids from the start, and he now is hesitant about it. Then, to be me seems like he is just holding on to you. Maybe he just wants sex or someone to be with and is not ready for kids. Also, if he told you, he never wanted kids, that should have been a sign for you to drop him right after that date. Now, I guess it also depends on what he means by not wanting kids. Does he not like kids in general, or he just does not want to have his own kids? That is something you both need to clear up.

The whole “we never got too far in the relationship to discuss kids” is basically bull shit. If you already told him, you have kids, then he should know or expect that he must deal with the kids. Or at least be okay with “inheriting” kids and being a father figure. The average guy knows what it means when a woman says she has kids. Unless the guy is living user a rock this whole time.

My recommendation is you cut him off and move on. Keeping him as a friend will be like leading yourself own now. Let’s be honest, if he really wanted to be with you, he would be with you. This guy sounds like he is keeping you as an option, because he knows your options are “limited” being a divorced woman with kids. I say you start meeting other people, and always make it clear you “do have kids”. So, you can weed off the guys that would otherwise waste your time.

Wishing you the best and hoping you found an amazing guy that loves both you and your kids a lot!