Behavior




Boyfriend treated his ex better then me, why?

I’m dating a guy and I just found out that he just recently broke up from a girl about 3 weeks ago. He asked me out around the same time. He was super depressed when they broke up. I have seen his ex and I feel like crap because she is so good looking! I also found out through a friend that he used to bring her for a gifts on holidays, take her to movies, fancy restaurants, bought her gifts. But he hasn’t done any of this for me at all. He also travelled for a couple of hours every weekend just to see her. But with me, I am always stuck having to go to his place. Am I being selfish or do I have a point here?

I hate to say this but you are looking like a rebound girl for him. He just wants to have a girl around for the sake of feeling like he is still in some kind of relationship. But, he has no value in the relationship you two have right now. It’s just a mechanism that kicks in people after a break up. They have a need to “be” with someone to feel secure or take over for the loss of their ex.

Men are supposed to be these macho guys that don’t show any emotions and pain. But, that’s far from the real live truth! He is feeling emotional pain from the break up, and you just happened to be around and available. I see this situation with you getting hurt in the end just like him. Right now on an emotional level he cannot be there for you at all. That’s why he isn’t doing those things he did for his ex. He is emotionally invested in her still even though it’s over. In his mind he hasn’t processed it’s over yet or has gone through the whole break up process.

The other side of it could be that he is treating you different, because doing what he did before didn’t work for him? Maybe, he feels doing so much for his ex didn’t pay off. So he now wants to do less and see how that works out for him this time around. You also just met this guy, so if you expect he is going to wine and dine you and you haven’t even dated for a full month. Then, you probably have very poor expectations.

I get it from your point of view you just want to be treated or want to know you are loved by him. He isn’t showing any love towards you and it’s bugging you a lot. There is nothing wrong with feeling this way, but what it means is maybe what you are looking for in him isn’t there right now. Maybe once he is over the break he may show more of an emotional side. But, he also may not and may want to move on from you too.

In the end, I personally think you need to talk to him about what is bothering you. And, see what he says, maybe even suggest you two not date right now. You don’ know what he is going through till you find out. But, chances are if he is coming off a fresh new break up… that dating him right now isn’t the best option for you. Whatever you decide, hopefully it lets you move on and still be happy whether it’s dating him or finding someone else that gives you what you need in a relationship.

All the best!

Comments

  • jackie
    Reply

    i just went through this for two years he have has been divorced for fourteen years but he always treated his ex wife like his wife queen he has two young adult children me he treated like second i know when divorced men h never about have baggage but this man spoke with her every week she text him every other day never about kids so he either was best friend or still in love with her he use to have a picture of the two of them on his phone he showed me once when we were first dating hell still has his wedding band his marriage did not end well it only lasted four years she cheated and wanted the divorce he never took her off his insurance at work they think he is still married he went on vacation with her every year shared a hotel room he has done this once when i was with him and he felt so guilty he told me she went with him that was a big lie i quess i must of thought nothing of all this until i lived with him he would hide all her textes and phone calls never told me ever told me he and her were done with whatever co parenting i knew he was lying to me there was no reason to i would ask if your best friends im ok with that he would only say he was friendly to her so i moved out and found out he gave his ex 15000 for another house she wanted now this man did nothing with me to cheap and lazy that to me was like a knife in my heart i still have anger with this he does give her child support 2000 amonth it is never enough to me this man is hung up on his ex wife im the one that got hurt he should treated me like his wife instead of a roommate he took me for granted are all divorced men like this thank you